You've got to suspect, after awhile, that none of this is really happening. I know that it's sort of a, what, an adolescent realization, and eventually, after perhaps another while, you realize that even after realizing that, nothing much has changed. Is that what the "Ten bulls" is really about, after all? Is enlightenment really just something that happens to people who were brought up to be too bookish and introspective, suddenly seeing that they could be just like normal people instead, and think about stuff other than their own angsts?